Palin finally grants Alaskans their Independence


In the most patriotic gesture ever enacted on Independence Day weekend, Governor Sarah Palin announces that she will not seek another term as Governor of Alaska (thereby granting Alaskans their Independence from her).  Further, she is stepping down immediately as the Governor of Alaska.  Well, she’s stepping down in a few weeks but it may as well be tomorrow.

Irony was not lost on Palin’s almost incoherent, Sanford-esque press conference.  And this was a prepared statement.  On the banks of the lake in Wasilla where the Palins live, there were two ducks frolicking in the water behind her.  (Go ahead, check the video tape, I kid you not).  It almost appeared as if they were fighting, or playing, it was hard to tell, but after a little while the two ducks gave up and just sat there.  Lame ducks?  You be the judge.

Alaskans were seen parading in the streets with flags, banners, and streamers, celebrating their independence from the right-wing, uneducated, Jesus-freak, slutty-librarian governor.  Ironically, since Governor Palin doesn’t read newspapers, she’ll never see it in black and white in the local paper, or the New York Times, for that matter.  Hopefully, one of her children will cut out the article for her, and scotch tape it to the fridge.  Sarah is very good at learning from pictures.  It’s all those words that confuse her.

What greater gift could be bestowed upon the citizens of Alaska than Sarah Palin stepping down, and away, and out of the picture?  Once considered America’s most popular Governor, she recently came in dead last in a Gallup poll.

So is she going away?  Don’t bet on it.  She’s been in a bit of hot water lately, as more and more truth comes out regarding her run for the Vice Presidency, and many accusations are arising about her ethics violations.  Additionally, her husband’s loyalty to the Alaska Secession movement can’t be denied anymore because there is too much proof of it.

All of this can only lead to one conclusion.  Either there is one hell of a scandal coming down the pike for which she does not want to be in office at the time, or she thinks that if she resigns now, and pretends to go into hiding for a while, and pretends to do some book learnin’ about government, democracy, foreign policy, economics, health care, and any host of things that she can try and fake her way through later, she can run for President in 2012.  At some point she really, really wants to be able to yell out “They like me!!!   They really like me!!”   But who is going to back a candidate who quit her first term as governor because, in her words “it wasn’t fun anymore”.  If political office were supposed to be fun, everyone would be doing it.

What is sad for most of America, and a feather in the cap of right wing extremists, is that she’ll probably end up on the Fox Network hosting her own talk show.  She has to figure out some way to pay off half a million dollars in legal fees debt.  She’ll get great ratings, mostly because America can’t help but enjoy watching a good train wreck.  And there is no train wreck better to watch than Sarah Palin. You betcha!

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Bush finally gets his way, again


It has been a long held belief of many, and I am among them, that Bush’s real agenda in becoming President back on 2000 was to be a figurehead who is able to sit around all day and do nothing except play golf and go on vacation.

If it wasn’t for that darned 9/11 thing and those terrorists who interrupted the envious golf handicap he was working on, then everything would have been just fine.

Well, now that John McCain has clinched the 2008 Republican Nomination, and Obama the Democratic Nomination, all of the attention is on them and he can get back to his daily routine; nothing.

We are right back where we should be.  Nobody cares what George Bush is saying or doing, and he is happy to play that role.  He wanted to be a lame duck President since the first time he held is right hand up and pledged to uphold the Constitution.    I believe he thought “The Constitution” was the name of the local country club.

When the time comes, do we really need to say goodbye to George W. Bush next January?  Why can’t we just assume he’s checked out already and just concentrate on the next President.  Oh, and I’d be happy to see one last news item about his Presidential Library.  You should see it.  It’s beautiful and the card catalogue is easy to use as it consists of a Post-It note attached to one book (Dr. Suess) on a dusty shelf.

 

 

Proof that the Bush family really is white trash


It’s not like we didn’t suspect it.  Hell, it’s not like we didn’t KNOW it.

But when you marry off your first daughter and the local townsfolk are clamoring for, and in fact have bought out completely, all of the coffee mugs and mouse pads with the endearing image of Jenna and Henry, the happy couple, you know you are in white trash heaven.

Wait, did I write that correctly?  Did I just say that the bride and groom had their picture plastered on COFFEE MUGS and MOUSE PADS for the public to scarf up?  Yes, I did, I got that right.  OK, I just wanted to be sure.

If you go to the Jenna and Henry wedding web site you can find exclusive information on how to recreate the pageantry of the Bush family wedding at your own home.  It really is much more affordable then we ever thought.

All you need is some frozen pigs in a blanket, canned Hormel chili, an ambrosia salad, some Colt 45 malt liquor and you are good to go.  The happy couple will be honeymooning at Dollywood and plan to settle in a trailer park (double wide I hear) in suburban Virginia.  They are registered at Wal-Mart for those of you who feel the need to buy Jenna and Henry some newlywed necessities like plastic straws and those fancy extra large party napkins.  I’m going to recommend condoms as well because….well…..you know……we don’t really want this family to procreate much more, do we?

Who is keeping an eye on George “Lame Duck” Bush?


George Bush has become so irrelevant in these final months of his presidency that nobody is paying attention to him.  The coverage of Presidential Election 2008 is so intense and focused.  Have you heard of, or payed attention to, anything about George Bush lately.  There may be media coverage of him out there, but is it memorable; are you paying attention?

The last thing I remember off the top of my head about George Bush is that uncomfortable exchange between him and John McCain when Bush welcomed McCain to the White House the day after McCain clinched the republican nomination.  It was odd, uncomfortable, and ominous.

If I were George Bush and thought like George Bush (yikes!) I would be concerned at this point what my Presidential legacy is going to be.  How will they remember me?  I’m running out of time to get something down in cement other than the disaster called the Iraq War.

George Bush has the potential to cause a lot of damage between now and November 2008 (actually January 2009 if you go by the inauguration).  All Presidents pardon people on the last day, but who will he pardon?  Will he send troops into Iran?  Is he doing all he can even now to leave the economy in ruins, just so that there is no way the next President can fix it in 4 years?  If I were George, I would be pretty convinced that a Democrat will win the White House this time.  So I would need to do anything to ensure that the Democrat lasts only 4 years in the White House so that a Republican can take it back in 2012.

And he still has China, North Korea, Venezuela, Cuba, Gitmo, Stem Cell research, Abortion, Gay Rights, Supreme Court Justices, Ambassadorships, and got knows what other issues with which he could create havoc.  Maybe he will take executive privilege and add words like “strategery” and “nuke-ya-ler” to the dictionary.

I still don’t trust Bush’s relationship with Karl Rove and Dick Cheney.  While Rove may not be on the “official” White House payroll, I find it hard to believe that he is really out of the picture.  He must be skulking around somewhere in the secret passages under the White HOuse.  And what has Cheney been up to?  Never mind that, where is he?  I would not surprise me, not even a little bit, if some terrorist plot just happened to take place at the exact right time to instill just the right amount of fear in the minds of the American public to affect how they vote in November.  So be prepared.  I hope, beyond all possible boundaries of hope, that nothing happens and that nobody loses their life so that the Republicans can win an election, but just prepare yourself that it very well might happen.  I’m not the conspiracy type, I am the realistic type and I am not comfortable with what these people are capable of.

So George Bush is hedging his bet.  He’s preparing for a Democrat to win the Presidency, but still doing all he can to not let that happen.  It’s all just a bit scary.