Toyota recall conspiracy removes Connecticut from New England


In a recent press release Toyota announced it was recalling 1.5 million vehicles, this time for a break fluid leak – or so they say.

I’ve uncovered some classified company information that sheds light on the real issues.  Toyota is rewriting history, and the history books themselves.   On October 20, 2010, I saw a television commercial for “New England Toyota Dealers”.  The commercial featured that guy who used to do the Toyota commercials back in the 90’s.  Toyota started using him again in an attempt to gin up customer confidence in Toyota after the recent  “uncontrolled acceleration” disasters.   To my surprise, the map of New England used in that commercial did not include the State of  Connecticut.  Yes, only Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island are “New England” states according to Toyota.  I figured it had to be an honest mistake, right?  – until I did a little more digging.

I scoured the Internet for the video of this commercial but could not find it.  I thought it was odd that I could not find the video since every commercial in the world makes it to YouTube.  I theorized that Toyota was involved in a conspiracy:  I scoured further.

As luck would have it, I stumbled upon a web site that Toyota forgot to hide.   This forgotten page proves that the company does not consider Connecticut to be part of New England.  Here is a screen shot from the web site in question.  It has not been altered.  Please – only read further at your own risk, since once you see this, you will be part of the select few who know where the roots of this conspiracy reside.


Notice that next to “Locate a Dealer”, Connecticut is not listed.  Further, the URL for this page is:

http://www.newenglandtoyota.com/dealerLocator/dealerLocatorStart.aspx.

I know for a fact that Connecticut is part of New England.  Check any source you can find – other than Toyota – and you will see that I am correct on this point.  Only 4 States were considered to be “New England” when our country was formed by the original 13 colonies.  Those 4 States are Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and CONNECTICUT.  Vermont was not yet a State and Maine was owned by Massachusetts at the time.  Maine didn’t even become a State until 1821.

And how does all of this relate to Toyota’s recent recall?  There are approximately 1.5 million Toyota vehicles registered in the State of Connecticut.  Toyota’s most recent recall is 1.5 million vehicles.  So one can deduce that Toyota is trying to remove Connecticut from New England and remove all of Connecticut’s Toyotas so that no proof is left behind.  This recall is one big conspiracy in Toyota’s evil plan to eliminate Connecticut from New England.  They’ve already done it in their advertising.  Toyota knows that America has become so stupid and complacent, that if Toyota tells them that Connecticut is not part of New England, Americans will believe them.  All Toyota has to do is say it over and over and over again until fiction becomes fact.

Don’t let them do it, I BEG YOU!  I may live in Maine now, but in my heart, I will always be a Connecticutter (yes that’s the real name for people from Connecticut).  Don’t let Toyota rewrite history, or our maps.

PLEASE CALL TOYOTA’S “CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE CENTER”
AT 800-331-4331.

Ask them to put Connecticut BACK ON THE NEW ENGLAND MAP.

This is not a political issue, nor is it a partisan issue.  This is an American Issue.

Be strong.  Take New England Back!

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Ass Wipe Nation


When I was a kid, and even when I was a younger adult, the words “ass wipe” were used as a derogatory slang expression that meant “a real asshole” – nay, you were worse than that, you were the toilet paper that wiped the dirty asses.  Don’t you remember referring to someone as an “ass wipe”?  “Oh my god, that guy is such an ass wipe.”

Oh, how times have changed.   Today, the definition of “ass wipe” is not derogatory, ass wipes are a requirement in the American household.  I don’t recall when it started, but I do recall being one of the first people I knew to buy ass wipes, also called “moist wipes”.  They are a derivation of “baby wipes” except you can’t flush baby wipes like you can ass wipes.  I remember having visitors to my home, close friends usually, who said “what are those things sitting on the back of your toilet tank in that plastic box”.  And I would explain to them that they are “moist wipes”.  When they still didn’t get it, I said “they’re ass wipes – they’re slightly wet and you use them to clean you ass”.  For christ sake do I have to spell it out??  Do you really not know what these things are?  Were we, as a nation, so naive, or blind to a fact that Europeans and their bidets have known for years:  Skid marks aren’t pretty. 

Maybe as a gay man it all seemed so natural to me to have these cleansing gadgets.  I won’t go into details – you’re welcome.  But American bathrooms, for the most part, are bidet-free.  Sure there are high-end homes with super high-end bathrooms that have bidets.  Many wouldn’t recognize what it is and would probably ask why there is a water fountain in your bathroom.  And now the “must have” bathroom fixture is the thousand dollar Japanese toilet that basically washes, blow dries, and puts your ass through a spin cycle before sending you on your merry way.

But barring that, Americans have their “ass wipes”.  Currently it’s almost unheard of to walk into someone’s bathroom and not find a box of moist wipes sitting on the toilet tank.  Mothers are happy.  Their kids and their husbands don’t leave so many skid marks in their underwear; making their laundry chore far less disgusting.  Husbands are happy because now maybe their wives won’t mind giving them head somuch because it doesn’t smell so bad.  As for gay men, we’re just happy.  Happy that we spread the word about ass-wipes and it took off.  I’m disappointed that Spell Check in America rarely get’s “bidet” correct.   To summarize, clean asses are in our thoughts, but not in our dictionaries.

My only counterpoint to this?  Dick Cheney is still an old-fashioned ass wipe. (Sorry, I had to slip that in somewhere).  I’m not sure, exactly, why America has become obsessed with cleaning their butts.  But I’m glad they did.  It makes sitting in a crowded room so much more pleasant.

Celebrate Good Times, Come on! Brzezenski still missing from Joe


It is highly unusual to write a blog post about a topic when you just posted one about that same topic a few days ago.  But I just can’t say it enough.

MORNING JOE IS FUN AGAIN!!!!   And informative.  And most importantly, Watchable. Why?  Because Mika Brzezenski is on Vacation this week!!!!  No one word comments, no glazed over looks when guests use big words or talk about big ideas.  No pretending to understand what the topics are really about.  No judgement and eye-rolling at comments she disagrees with even though she has no idea what the topic really is.  It has been simply divine.

Joe Scarborough, Willie Geist, Mike Barnicle; talking news, politics, pop culture.  This week they talked freely and openly.  They were sometimes irreverent, sometimes serious, often funny, and didn’t have to waste precious time explaining things to Mika or defending their opinion to Mika.  It’s not as if the three co-hosts agree on everything and it’s not as if they all agree with the guests.  But when you don’t have Mika Brzezenski around to completely stop the natural flow of conversation with such pertinent interjections like “yes”, and “oh yeah” and “there are other opinions on that” (not that she has one or could verbalize one), Morning Joe becomes an insipid, unpalatable soup of words and opinions that makes no sense.

Dear MSNBC:  Thank and for the retooling of Morning Joe without that ridiculous co-host, Mika Brzezenski.  I know you tried, we all try sometimes, and fail.  It is a shame that a man with a brain, like Zbignew Brzezenski (whether or not you agree with him) can produce offspring that borders on mentally retarded.  She can read a teleprompter, I’ll give you that.  But if it is not written down for her to read, Mika has no independent thought.  But we forgive you.  You didn’t know.

So here’s the plan.  We tell Mika that the Morning Joe studios have been moved to the family room in her house.  And the show will now be all hers.  She can set up her own live camera feed (or ask for help, more than likely) and she can interview all of the people that appear on that box in the corner, you now, the one with the word “Sony” on it and it has a power button and other buttons that say “volume” and “channel”.  Tell her she got a promotion.  She is now the producer, director, and star of her own version of Morning Joe except Joe won’t stop by that often.  Unless you see him on the “Sony” box at which point you can feel free to speak to him and even interview him.  Now, he may act like he’s not answering your questions but that’s just Joe’s way.

She’ll buy it, trust me.  And then the rest of America who used to enjoy Morning Joe, and has done so again this week, can continue on in peace.  And she’ll be none the wiser.  Mika may even get nominated for an Internet award for funniest video outtakes for a web-only broadcast show.

I can’t wait until Monday; does anyone know if Mika took TWO weeks off?  Oh please, Oh please, Oh please.  If I were a religious man I would pray my heart out that Mika took an extended vacation.  But I”m not, so I have to rely on luck.

Even with side effects, Ambien may be right for you


Below is the actual copy from an Ambien TV commercial (with my comments).  It’s the part of the commercial where it addresses  the drug’s warnings and interactions.  It is the longest  and most comprehensive list of drug warnings I have ever seen.  My first question is:  Are we as American’s that dumb?

—————————————————————————————————————–

Until you know how Ambien will affect you, you shouldn’t drive or operate machinery.  (How many people do you know take a sleeping pill and then GO FOR A DRIVE?)

Plan to devote seven to eight hours to sleep before being active.  (If I could do that, I wouldn’t need a sleeping pill)

Sleep walking, or eating and driving while not fully wake, with amnesia for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, and hallucinations have been reported.  (If I’m confused, hallucinating, and have amnesia, how will I remember to tell my doctor?)

Don’t take [Ambien] with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors. (If you can’t drink Alcohol with a sleeping pill why bother?)

In rare cases, severe allergic reactions can occur.  (Define “severe”.  If I get a good night sleep and a few hives, I’m all good)

In patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide, may occur. (So I may kill myself because I’m finally getting enough sleep?)

Side effects may include next day drowsiness, dizziness, and headache. (Hmm.  Drowsiness after taking a sleeping pill?  That’s shocking!  So I’ll be sort of groggy the next day, and a little dizzy with a splitting headache.  I guess I’ll just have to go home and take another Ambien.)  

It’s non-narcotic and can be taken for as long as your prescriber recommends. (Oh thank god)

However, like most sleep aids, it has some risk of dependency. (DAMN IT, I knew it was too good to be true).

Allergic reactions such as shortness of breath, swelling of your tongue or throat, may occur and in rare cases may be fatal. (Well, if I die at least I won’t be complaining that I didnt’ get enough sweep, AHEM!, thweep!, thrweeep! HAP, I CANG BWEEB!)

 —————————————————————————————————————–

My second question is: Do we, as a nation, need sleep so badly that we are willing to die for it?

Vagisil – it’s what’s for Breakfast


OK.  No kidding around here.  I woke up this morning after falling asleep in my recliner.  After rubbing my eyes and slowly opening them, I grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV to check the news and weather.  What I saw made me think I must be still asleep and dreaming and if so, I’ve got a sick and twisted mind.

A woman is walking, to somewhere, from somewhere I don’t know, she’s just walking.  And a soft, monotone voice comes over the TV and says”

“After the itching is gone, and after the odor is gone, now you can just live your life…….Vagisil”

WHAT?????????????????????????

If I was dreaming I am a sick and twisted human being.  I mean, what the hell.  I’m gay, why would I be dreaming about itching and odors emanating from a vagina????  I don’t know if I got all the words exactly right but I now “itching” and “odor” was in there and the rest is accurate, if not pretty damned close to exactly what was said.

Oh wait.  I wasn’t dreaming.  I’m not sick and twisted.  It’s the Vagisil folks that are sick and twisted.  AND have crossed the line.

This is not about misogyny, and it’s not about being politically correct, and it’s not about the fact that men should be accepting of women’s “issues”, this is just plain GROSS!  I immediately called my best friend, a female, and told her about it.  She was just about retching and heaving when I told her and she said the same thing, “GROSS”.  She said, “are you sure?”.  Of course, I am, I just watched it.

Now let’s turn that around.  Not that there is anything from a man’s perspective that could compare to this but I’ll give it a try.

“After you wipe away what could become a skid mark, and after the aroma is gone, now you can get on with your life……Charmin”

Can you imagine if THAT was a commercial,  A guy walking to somewhere, or from somewhere and a soft calming voice proclaims the advantages of cleaning one of your holes.  I mean COME ON!!!!

Vagisil is made by Combe Incorporated, White Plains, NY (800) 431-2610.  Please call them and ask them to stop the insanity.

Pelosi starts new PAC called “My-Face-won’t-MoveOn.Org”


I don’t like taking pot shots atpeople just for the fun of it.  I’ll do it if somebody said or did something blatantly stupid, or if somebody takes pot shots at people who don’t deserve it (payback is a bitch), but I don’t do it just for the sport.

However, every time I see Nancy Pelosi on TV, only parts of her face move.  He forehead is so full of Botox that if she got bitten by a mosquito there, it would die of food poisoning.  The odd part is that other parts of her face do move and she has very deep wrinkles around her eyes.  She was on Meet the Press last Sunday and it was quite comical to watch.  She was fired up at times, other times angry, and still other times she was smiling which was accompanied by squinting eyes.  These squints revealed some not-so-flattering cavernous lines around her eyes.  But her forehead?  That looked like the plastic wrap pulled tightly over the leftover ambrosia salad.  It was so tight and unmovable it made you wonder if her mouth woud open if she crossed her logs.

I honestly don’t know if she is open about the work she’s had done.  Maybe she is.  But sometimes, and it is true with her, people get a little too much Botox, which creates a face that seems unreal, unsymmetrical, and a bit scary.

OK, that’s my catty little remark for today.  Sorry about that.

Bush finally gets his way, again


It has been a long held belief of many, and I am among them, that Bush’s real agenda in becoming President back on 2000 was to be a figurehead who is able to sit around all day and do nothing except play golf and go on vacation.

If it wasn’t for that darned 9/11 thing and those terrorists who interrupted the envious golf handicap he was working on, then everything would have been just fine.

Well, now that John McCain has clinched the 2008 Republican Nomination, and Obama the Democratic Nomination, all of the attention is on them and he can get back to his daily routine; nothing.

We are right back where we should be.  Nobody cares what George Bush is saying or doing, and he is happy to play that role.  He wanted to be a lame duck President since the first time he held is right hand up and pledged to uphold the Constitution.    I believe he thought “The Constitution” was the name of the local country club.

When the time comes, do we really need to say goodbye to George W. Bush next January?  Why can’t we just assume he’s checked out already and just concentrate on the next President.  Oh, and I’d be happy to see one last news item about his Presidential Library.  You should see it.  It’s beautiful and the card catalogue is easy to use as it consists of a Post-It note attached to one book (Dr. Suess) on a dusty shelf.

 

 

Proof that the Bush family really is white trash


It’s not like we didn’t suspect it.  Hell, it’s not like we didn’t KNOW it.

But when you marry off your first daughter and the local townsfolk are clamoring for, and in fact have bought out completely, all of the coffee mugs and mouse pads with the endearing image of Jenna and Henry, the happy couple, you know you are in white trash heaven.

Wait, did I write that correctly?  Did I just say that the bride and groom had their picture plastered on COFFEE MUGS and MOUSE PADS for the public to scarf up?  Yes, I did, I got that right.  OK, I just wanted to be sure.

If you go to the Jenna and Henry wedding web site you can find exclusive information on how to recreate the pageantry of the Bush family wedding at your own home.  It really is much more affordable then we ever thought.

All you need is some frozen pigs in a blanket, canned Hormel chili, an ambrosia salad, some Colt 45 malt liquor and you are good to go.  The happy couple will be honeymooning at Dollywood and plan to settle in a trailer park (double wide I hear) in suburban Virginia.  They are registered at Wal-Mart for those of you who feel the need to buy Jenna and Henry some newlywed necessities like plastic straws and those fancy extra large party napkins.  I’m going to recommend condoms as well because….well…..you know……we don’t really want this family to procreate much more, do we?

The Obama/Clinton litmus test


Step 1:  Walk up to any person you know; family, friend, or total stranger.

Step 2: Say the following and ask them to simply react with their face and hands: 

  1. Hot Chocolate
  2. Copenhagen
  3. Hillary Clinton

Then try:

  1. Bananas
  2. Paris
  3. Barack Obama 

Just take note of the facial reaction of this person standing in front of you.  For the first two, I suspect the possible reactions wil be wide open, yet uneventful.  You might get a shoulder shrug with an “I don’t know” sort of expression, or a tilting of the head with an eyebrow raise.  The point here is that the reactions won’t be severe.

For #3 just make note of how many eye rolls or thumbs up you get.  If my suspicions are correct, Hillary Clinton will take over the lead in “eye rolls” with a possible sneering lip.

And herein lies the problem.  I don’t think Hillary Clinton is qualified or deserves to be President of the United States simply because people AROUND THE WORLD who hear her name, or see her face, have such a guttural reaction to her. 

This election is first and foremost about America.  But let us not fool ourselves; this election is about the World.  America has lost its way and lost its place in the world as a shining example of democracy, fairness, opportunity, and mother to the world.  Countries around the world, and people around the world, are all used to seeing a woman or a person of color as the head of a nation.  So this election is not about blazing new trails as far as the rest of the world is concerned.  We, here in America, have made this election about “firsts”, but the rest of the citizens of earth could care less about that. 

We need a President who understands our country’s issues,  problems, weaknesses, and strengths.  But we also need a good will ambassador whom we can trust to represent us, tell the truth to us, and reach out a hand to each and every nation around the globe.  That hand must be able to perform a simple handshake, or to lift someone up, or to ask for a lift. 

Try the litmus test; change up the first and second questions to anything you want that makes sense to you.  But I believe you will see my point for #3.  I want a proud smile, not an eye roll.  We have enough of that now with Bush and Cheney (and Rumsfeld, and Rice, and Libby, and Rove, etc, etc, etc.)

Blog Etiquette


I must admit that I have no idea if there is actually a set of blog rules in terms of what is proper when visiting blogs.  When I am cruising around the net and notice that someone has taken a lot of time to put together a good blog, regardless of whether or not I agree with all the opinions out there, I try to leave a note that I stopped by and leave a quick thank you.

Sometimes I’m looking for specific information, sometimes for something funny, and sometimes I’m doing research or trying to figure out what’s going on in the minds of the bloggers.  It can be quite interesting; the quantity of blogs and the specific subjects that blogs are written about.  Again I must admit that some of them, I don’t understand at all.  But someone has put a lot of time and energy into that blog.

So if you happen to stop by one of my blogs, please feel free to leave a quick note to say hello.