iPhone – is there a slap for that?

Why do I continually see clumps of people standing around with their iPhones talking about their iPhones.  Some sort of bizarre competition seems to have arisen out of the iPhone culture where “whoever has the most apps wins”.  Wins what?  I have no idea.  And apparently it doesn’t matter if you use, or even like, the apps that you have downloaded.  As long as your iPhone screen is full, and I mean overflowing-ly chock full of icons that run ridiculous, stupid apps like “Run Pee”, then somehow, you are “better” than the others in your clump.

“Run Pee” is an application for the bladder-challenged among us who need to pee during a movie.  “Run Pee” tells you when the best time to pee is (it’s coming up – hold on!), so you don’t miss out on anything too important in the movie.  The app will also tell you what’s going on while you are peeing and point out any important dialog.   If someone is that worried about missing parts of a movie because their bladder is so small they can’t hold it, then it would make more sense, to me, if the “Run Pee” application were re-worked a bit. 

Here’s how it should work:  you could stay home and pee all you want; hell you could sit on the damned toilet for hours, or wear a Depend undergarment and sit on your sofa.  The app would simply explain the movie’s premise, the plot, important sub-plot points, and tell you what you probably would have stepped in, that made you stick to the floor under your seat, had you actually gone to the movies.  Now that’s an app.

But here’s the ultimate app.  Every time an iPhone user clumps around with their clump of iPhone user friends, demonstrating or talking about the apps on their Phones; yes, the very instance that the iPhone user puts up his or her finger as if to shush and says “wait..hold on…it’s here somewhere – I just downloaded it the other day” – an automatic arm with elbow and open hand slaps the iPhone clumper across the face and says “There’s a slap for that”.

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